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by Alexandra Carter
Premium summary · Opens in the app · 30 min read
Most people think negotiation is a battle. They imagine two sides locked in combat, each trying to extract as much as possible from the other. They picture aggressive tactics, clever maneuvers, and winners and losers. This view of negotiation is everywhere, and it keeps people from asking for what they need.
**Author:** Alexandra Carter **Estimated Reading Time:** 45 minutes
**What You'll Learn:**
- Why the best negotiators ask questions instead of making demands - How to understand your own needs before asking anyone for anything - The ten questions that transform difficult conversations - How to negotiate with confidence, clarity, and empathy - Practical strategies for getting more of what you want at work and in life
**Who This Book Is For:**
Anyone who has ever walked away from a conversation wishing they had asked for more. Whether you are negotiating a salary, navigating a difficult relationship, building a business, or simply trying to advocate for yourself more effectively, this book gives you a framework for approaching every conversation with curiosity and confidence.
Most people think negotiation is a battle. They imagine two sides locked in combat, each trying to extract as much as possible from the other. They picture aggressive tactics, clever maneuvers, and winners and losers. This view of negotiation is everywhere, and it keeps people from asking for what they need. Alexandra Carter has spent her career teaching negotiation to people who face some of the world's most difficult conversations. As the Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, she has trained diplomats from more than eighty nations at the United Nations. She has helped mediators resolve disputes that seemed impossible to untangle. And through all of this work, she discovered something surprising: the most effective negotiators are not the most aggressive. They are the most curious. The problem with traditional negotiation advice is that it starts from the wrong place. It assumes you already know what you want and simply need to figure out how to get it. But Carter found that most people do not actually know what they want. They know what they think they should want. They know what they have been told to want. They know what seems reasonable to ask for. But they have never taken the time to look inward and understand their own needs, motivations, and emotions. This is why so many negotiations fail before they even begin. People walk into conversations with a vague sense of dissatisfaction and a list of demands that do not actually address what they truly need. They get defensive when challenged because they have not examined their own feelings. They make requests that are too small because they have not recognized their own worth. Or they make requests that are too large and unfocused because they have not done the work of understanding what really matters to them. Carter's approach flips the traditional model on its head. Instead of starting with what you want from the other person, she starts with what…
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Get the complete summary in the appNegotiation starts with self-understanding. Use the Mirror questions before any important conversation.
"Tell me" is the most open question you can ask. Use it to invite the other person to share their perspective.
Needs are more important than demands. Understand what you really need and what the other person really needs.
Feelings are facts. Acknowledge your emotions and use them as information.
Recalling past successes builds confidence. Ask yourself and others about what has worked before.
The first step should be small, specific, and achievable. Momentum comes from action.
"Ask for More" is a strong fit if you want practical ideas around business, self help, psychology, especially themes like negotiation starts with self-understanding. use the mirror questions before any important conversation; "tell me" is the most open question you can ask. use it to invite the other person to share their perspective. The MinuteRead summary distills these concepts into a focused read, whether you're deciding whether to buy the book or applying its lessons at work.
Motivated to help readers with "Tell me" is the most open question you can ask on any topic, Alexandra Carter wrote “Ask for More” to package those ideas for a fast, focused read. In “Ask for More”, Alexandra Carter focuses on "Tell me" is the most open question you can ask on any topic. Through “Ask for More”, Alexandra Carter distills the core ideas on business into lessons readers can absorb in a single short sitting. Readers turn to this work when they want Alexandra Carter's perspective on …
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