Getting to Yes

Getting To Yes is a handbook for having successful negotiations that teaches everything you need to know about resolving conflicts of all kinds and reaching win-win solutions in every discussion without giving in or making the other person unhappy.

Although it would be nice, conversations are never a simple discussion of facts by two people who are completely rational. In reality, you’re always dealing with two different sides to the story, two separate interpretations of reality.

It’s important to remember that whoever you’re dealing with brings their own values, emotions, experiences, and personalities to the negotiation and so do you. That’ll make it at least a little easier to try to recognize when you’re not on the same page!

Also, keep in mind that everybody responds differently to the same circumstances. Some may get aggressive after a lengthy and intense discussion, while others end up defensive. Unfortunately, these emotions can make for a completely unproductive conversation once they arise.

You might be tempted to use rational arguments to calm the situation, but that won’t work when emotions are at play. Every negotiation will always have these two aspects, the factual and the emotional, to it. While it’s impossible to separate them, it’s important to recognize each and the potential they have to make things difficult.

This means addressing and working through intense emotions like fear or anger. You’ll need to have empathy, listen well, and consider the other person’s viewpoint if you’re going to come to a satisfactory resolution.

Think of the last time you had to negotiate with someone. Did you go in with a clear picture of what you wanted? Were you committed to making it happen no matter what? Chances are if that was the case then things didn’t turn out how you expected. Fixating on solutions first doesn’t work because it only looks at one side of the problem. If you’re having a conversation with me and fail to consider what would be in my best interests, you’ll have a really tough time convincing me of anything. Instead, you need to open your mind to talking through all sorts of potential solutions. You also must make sure that both people are happy with one of them before agreeing to it. If someone told you that you had to decide who the Nobel Prize winner would be, you wouldn’t just go pick a person immediately. You’d make a list of people who might deserve it and choose from that list. Negotiations should be the same way. Think of all negotiations as having two parts: Identify and talk through all potential solutions, considering even extreme options. If necessary, consult experts, draw it out, or brainstorm with each other.…