Option B

Option B shares the stories of people dealing with traumatizing events, most notably Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s sudden loss of her husband, to help you face adversity, become more resilient, and find joy again after life punches you in the face.

When Sheryl’s husband died, the first medical report stated an injury sustained from his fall to the ground as the cause. As a result, Sheryl blamed herself for not paying attention to her husband more.

Her brother, a neurosurgeon, was suspicious, because the fall’s height could never have been fatal. The second autopsy showed cardiac arrhythmia due to an undiagnosed disease as the real cause. But instead of accepting what was outside of her control, she then felt guilty for not pushing him to change his diet.

Even after the Jewish seven-day period of morning, shiva, Sheryl stayed close to a nervous breakdown at work all the time. The weight on her shoulders felt too heavy, like it would never lift again.

Pioneer happiness researcher Martin Seligman describes the three-P model Sheryl clearly went through:

Personalization. Contrary to all evidence, Sheryl kept blaming herself for a terrible event she could do nothing about. Pervasiveness. Naturally, the sadness infected every aspect of her life, even work. Permanence. Sheryl remained stuck in this vicious cycle for a while. It became impossible for her to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

These are what make trauma tough to get past, and they’re remarkably similar to a pessimist view of the world. But all hope is not lost.

Usually, we assume grieving people want to be alone, but most often, that’s not true at all. The isolation causes more despair than fresh air, so being among friends, while counterintuitive, is helpful. Sheryl talked a lot with friends 1-on-1. But spending time in groups is beneficial too, especially when it leads to something called grounded hope. In 1972, the Uruguayan rugby team’s plane crashed in the Andes. Of the 33 people on board, 16 survived, thanks to being a group, not alone. They were stuck in the freezing mountains for 72 days, facing starvation, freezing temperatures and avalanches. These individuals had resilience within them for sure, but also between them. When their broken radio received a message that the search was called off, they shared their dreams of what they’d do when they get back to civilization, keeping hope alive. On top of this psychological boost, they took practical next steps to improve their immediate future. These included locating the tail-end of the plane to sleep in, sending small groups to get food and even eating the frozen meat of their dead companions to stay alive. This is grounded hope in…