You're Not Listening

You’re Not Listening is a book that will improve your communication skills by revealing how uncommon the skill of paying attention to what others are saying is and what experts teach about how to get better at it.

A while ago I asked a question on Facebook every day. At first, it was an experiment to see how I could better connect with people. I realized that many of these online acquaintances were my real friends and family that I rarely see in person. I wanted to get to know them better rather instead of just posting what I’d had for lunch like everyone else.

After a while, I started getting quite a few people answering. I was reconnecting with friends I hadn’t spoken to in years, and we were all loving it. Then I got busy and had to put it on hold. I recently ran into a friend who brought up how much he enjoyed them, so I began again.

I told him what I tell everyone I talk to about this. Social media just isn’t designed the way that real communication works, quite the opposite in fact. You don’t just go up to someone and show them a picture of your lunch. The first thing you do is ask a question! I wanted to repeat that, but I also wanted to listen. Which, I’ve found out, is what people really want from us.

This is the problem with our world, we’re so engrossed in broadcasting ourselves in social media that we don’t know how to listen. The average attention span is less than those of goldfish now.

That’s why the skill of listening will really set you apart because it will show people that you really care. The author spoke to some of the best listeners in the world to see how to do it right, and the result is this amazing book.

I love asking people questions about themselves. Everybody’s got a story and each is so unique and interesting. I’ve got my regular list that I ask people that makes it easier. But people really love when I ask follow-up questions that show that I’m listening. One retired FBI hostage negotiator is so curious that he can’t help but go ask random people about themselves. When in hotels, he’ll visit the bar just to find someone to get to share their story with him. He’s not doing it because he needs to investigate them, but rather to fill his insatiable curiosity. I’ve got a similar desire, but I wasn’t always this way. If you want to get better at being curious, practice talking with people. Come up with a list of questions and then strike…