8 Rules of Love

8 Rules of Love offers a 4-stage model of love, loosely based on Indian tradition, along with 8 rules to help us progress through it and become more emotionally mature people in the process.

Shetty spent three years of his life as a monk in an ashram. What is most commonly defined as an Indian monastery is actually also a place of education, he says. “Think about life as a series of classrooms or ashrams in which we learn various lessons,” Shetty suggests. When it comes to love, Shetty sees 4 connected ashrams:

Solitude: This is where we prepare for love. We learn to love ourselves and be happy as we are. Compatibility: Here, we practice love. We extend love to others, and we deal with the challenges that brings. Healing: Next, we must protect love, be it the one we have for ourselves after a breakup, or the shared love with others. Connection: Finally, we can perfect love. We can feel connected to the entire world and experience love with anyone.

Ideally, these stages are cumulative. You might travel solo in college, focus on yourself, and build great self-awareness. Later, you’ll meet a special someone at work and get married. You might almost get divorced at some point but work through your issues. Eventually, you’ll really thrive together and extend your love to children, grandchildren, and your wider family.

However, you can move back to the solitude stage at any time. Feeling down after a breakup? Lack self-esteem? Focus on yourself again for a while, then rebuild from there.

Love is a never-ending journey of learning, and it’s never too late to learn an important lesson again.

Set against the backdrop of the 4 ashrams of love, Jay offers 8 rules: 2 to prepare for love, 3 to practice love, 2 to protect love, and 1 to perfect love. Here they are: Let yourself be alone. Using another person to fill a void in ourselves never works. Learn to be happy on your own first. Don’t ignore your karma. You attract what your attitude seems to ask for. If you have a “fixer” mindset, every partner will look like a project. Define love before you think it, feel it, or say it. What does “I love you” mean to you? Is it a big deal? Do you say it to your postman? Think about your definition of love, and share it with others. Your partner is your guru. They should be someone you learn with, from, and through. Nobody is perfect, but if our long-term partner is also our long-term teacher, we’ll never stop growing. Purpose comes first. Sometimes, you’ll have to do something that’s important to you and…