Braving The Wilderness

Braving The Wilderness offers a four-step process to find true belonging through authenticity, bravery, trust, and vulnerability since it’s mostly about learning to stand alone rather than trying to fit in.

All of us experience rejection in one way or another early in our lives. For Brené, it was not getting picked for the cheerleading team and her parents’ subsequent disappointment. For me, it was being sneered at for being smart and wearing glasses. That sucks, but real problems only follow if we then spend the rest of our lives trying to make up for these early traumas.

Eventually, you’ll hate yourself not for not fitting in, but for trying so hard to do and failing. That’s a good sign it’s time to stop. For Brené, this sign came in the form of Steve, who she would later marry. When she met him in the 80s, she was on a full-on drinking, partying, and smoking spiral, desperately trying to belong.

Steve encouraged her to learn to be herself. Brené started by writing herself permission slips, like “you’re allowed to be goofy, have fun, and enjoy life,” which was her first one. The more of those she wrote, the less reliant she became on other people’s opinions. Now, she wears any attire to her speaking gigs, no matter the dress code.

Ultimately, belonging is about feeling good in your own skin above all else.

Throwing the expectations of others to the winds is liberating, but it takes courage. This courage to face the world on your own will partly come from building trust. Trust in other people, trust from other people, and, most of all, trust in yourself. There are seven traits that make you trustworthy: Be reliable. When you make a promise, value it. Honor it. Those you make to others, but especially those you make to yourself. Own your mistakes. Being wrong isn’t a character flaw. But it can become one if you don’t own up to it. We hate admitting mistakes more than making them, but that’s exactly why it’s so important to learn. Respect boundaries. Most people will signal when you’re crossing a line. Try to stop then. Try to spot the signals. Protect secrets. If someone confides in you, treat that vote of confidence with respect. Don’t blab. Decide with integrity. When in doubt, just ask yourself what’s the right thing to do. Your gut will always know. Stop judging. This is hard, but you can practice it. We usually judge others based on their actions or their intentions. Try to replace this tendency with curiosity instead, and you’ll become more compassionate and kind. Be generous. Whatever you have more of than other people, share it…