Build the Life You Want

Build the Life You Want is a practical instruction manual on becoming happier in two parts, first offering several science-backed tools for emotional self-management, followed by actionable advice on how you can start improving the 4 big pillars of happiness: family, friendships, work, and faith.

Albina Quevedo was Arthur Brooks’ mother-in-law. At age 93, as she lay dying in the same Barcelona apartment she had lived in for 50 years, she told him: “Such a difference with my life now. I am much happier than I was back then.”

Brooks was surprised to hear these words. Albina hadn’t been able to walk for two years. She had also suffered immensely during the Spanish Civil War. What’s more, after she gave birth to 3 children, Albina’s husband abandoned her, sending her into poverty and single-motherhood.

For a few years, Albina felt miserable and hopeless. But then, at age 45, she enrolled in college to become a teacher. It was hard, but after graduating, she felt more empowered. She could now provide for her kids. After 14 years of separation, her husband also re-approached her. Albina didn’t need to, but she took him back, and together, they built a new, stronger relationship, resulting in a total of 54 years of happy marriage.

The big lesson? No matter what happened to you in the past, it’s never too late to become a happier person. Once you decide you don’t have to wait for the world to get better, you’ll discover there’s always something you can do.

While one of the big messages of the book is that your happiness is not just based on genetics, we do all have different starting points. A quick but enlightening way to find out yours is the PANAS test. PANAS stands for “Positive and Negative Affect Schedule.” First developed in 1988, this 5-minute self-assessment reveals how strongly you feel good and bad emotions. You can take the test online or grab pen and paper. Do it while in a neutral emotional state, for example after lunch. On a scale from 1 to 5 (ranging from “very slightly” to “extremely”), rate how deeply you feel the following 20 emotions on average. Go row by row: With your scores in hand, add up the points for each column. The total for the left is your positive affect (PA). Right is your negative affect (NA). The global average for PA is 35, for NA it’s 18. Are you above or below? Note your result in both categories. Accordingly, you’ll fall into 1 of 4 PANAS quadrants: If you’re above average on both scales, you’re a “Mad Scientist,” someone who’s worked up about something, good or bad, most of the time.…