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by Adam Kahane
Premium summary · Opens in the app · 30 min read
Most of us have experienced the peculiar frustration of trying to work with someone we cannot stand. The colleague who blocks every proposal. The stakeholder who refuses to compromise. The family member who turns every discussion into a battlefield. In these moments, collaboration feels less like an opportunity and more like a punishment.
**Author:** Adam Kahane
**Estimated Reading Time:** 45 minutes
**What You'll Learn:** Why conventional approaches to collaboration fail in complex situations, and how to work productively with people you don't agree with, like, or trust through a practice called stretch collaboration.
**Who This Book Is For:** Leaders, managers, facilitators, activists, and anyone who has ever felt stuck trying to make progress with people who see the world differently.
Most of us have experienced the peculiar frustration of trying to work with someone we cannot stand. The colleague who blocks every proposal. The stakeholder who refuses to compromise. The family member who turns every discussion into a battlefield. In these moments, collaboration feels less like an opportunity and more like a punishment. Yet collaboration has never been more necessary. The problems we face, whether in business, government, or community life, increasingly require cooperation across boundaries of ideology, interest, and identity. Climate change cannot be solved by environmentalists alone. Economic inequality cannot be addressed by any single political party. Corporate innovation requires partnerships between departments, companies, and even competitors who view each other with suspicion. Adam Kahane has spent decades working in precisely these difficult situations. He has facilitated dialogues between guerrilla leaders and government officials in Colombia, between black and white South Africans during the transition from apartheid, between corporate executives and environmental activists, between politicians who would prefer never to share a room. His work has taught him something uncomfortable: the conventional wisdom about collaboration is wrong. The standard advice sounds reasonable. Find common ground. Build trust. Agree on the problem before discussing solutions. Create a safe space where everyone feels heard. Work toward consensus. This approach works beautifully in controlled settings where people already share basic assumptions and good intentions. But Kahane discovered that these methods collapse precisely when they are most needed: in situations characterized by deep disagreement, conflicting interests, and mutual distrust. The word "collaboration" itself contains this tension. One dictionary definition is benign: "to work jointly with others." But another definition is more troubling: "to cooperate traitorously with the enemy." During World War II, French citizens who cooperated with Nazi occupiers were called collaborators, and the term carried the weight of betrayal. This darker meaning captures something real. When we work with people whose values or actions we oppose, we risk compromising ourselves. We risk legitimizing views we find abhorrent. We risk betraying our own principles or constituencies. Kahane argues that we must learn to hold this tension rather than resolve it. The goal is not to eliminate conflict or to pretend that enemies are actually friends. The goal is to find ways to move forward together even when agreement seems impossible. This requires a fundamentally different…
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Get the complete summary in the appCollaboration means both working together and cooperating with the enemy. This tension is real and must be managed, not
Conventional collaboration assumes agreement is possible and necessary. In complex situations, this assumption fails.
Stretch collaboration aims for action in the absence of agreement, not consensus as a precondition for action.
Power and love are complementary drives. Effective collaboration requires both, exercised in alternation.
Embrace both conflict and connection. Suppressing conflict produces false harmony that masks real differences.
Replace planning with experimentation. Take small steps and learn from the results.
"Collaborating with the Enemy" is a strong fit if you want practical ideas around business, self help, leadership, especially themes like collaboration means both working together and cooperating with the enemy. this tension is real and must be managed, not; conventional collaboration assumes agreement is possible and necessary. in complex situations, this assumption fails. The MinuteRead summary distills these concepts into a focused read, whether you're deciding whether to buy the book or applying its lessons at work.
Adam Kahane is a renowned facilitator and consultant specializing in collaborative problem-solving across diverse sectors and countries. With a background in physics, economics, and behavioral science, he has worked extensively with leaders from business, government, and civil society to address complex challenges. Adam Kahane held strategic positions at Shell and various international organizations. His expertise spans scenario planning, conflict resolution, and fostering dialogue among opposin…
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