How to Stay in Love

“ Maybe if we focus on how we break things, we can figure out how to keep them from breaking.

“ Maybe if we focus on how we break things, we can figure out how to keep them from breaking. ” e.style.display='none');if(typeof getContentsSections==='function')setTimeout(getContentsSections,50)" /> This book reverse-engineers love. James Sexton has facilitated the demise of over a thousand marriages. He's not a therapist, but he has more access to the raw truth than one — clients tell him what they tell their therapist, accountant, best friend, financial advisor, and parole officer combined. His central argument: cheating and money fights are never the real reasons for divorce. They're symptoms. The actual causes are lack of meaningful connection, poor communication, and failure to pay attention. The remarriage rate proves we crave partnership. Over 53% of marriages end in divorce, yet over 80% of divorced people remarry within five years. We don't stop believing in love — we just keep doing it badly. Sexton wrote this book so people in decent marriages never end up in his conference room, box of tissues and bowl of candy within reach. TAKEAWAY 2

“ We try so hard not to chip the glass that we shatter it. ” e.style.display='none');if(typeof getContentsSections==='function')setTimeout(getContentsSections,50)" /> Hit Send Now is Sexton's radical honesty practice. When your partner does something that bothers you even a little, write them an email or text about it within hours. Don't censor, don't overthink, don't bury it. Use the subject line "Hit Send Now" so they know it's one of those messages requiring reflection. The goal: keep your "I prefer gazpacho without cilantro" from fermenting into "You don't know or care to know what I like." Sexton estimates 90% of what divorcing couples argue about isn't what they're actually arguing about. A fight about bacon crispiness is really about feeling incompetent. A dispute over Tuesday-night pickups is really about stolen youth. Hit Send Now forces couples to argue about what they're actually arguing about — in real time, before the small blocks build a wall. TAKEAWAY 3

“ People can't hear what you don't say. ” e.style.display='none');if(typeof getContentsSections==='function')setTimeout(getContentsSections,50)" /> Elizabeth asked for a divorce over breakfast. Her husband Douglas expected to hear "poached eggs" and got "a divorce" instead — she'd even prepared a spreadsheet of assets and recorded the conversation. Douglas claimed total blindsidence. Elizabeth was stunned by his cluelessness: "He should have known." But she'd never actually told him she was unhappy. She assumed her discontent was radiating through her pores. Two-thirds of divorces Sexton handles involve mutual disbelief. Both parties are shocked it's over. He finds this somewhere between poignant and tragic — spouses spending years certain their partner can hear what they…