Intimacy And Desire

Intimacy And Desire uses case studies of couples in therapy to show how partners can turn their normal sexual struggles and issues with sexual desire into a journey of personal, spiritual, and psychological growth that leads to a stronger bond and deeper, healthier desires for each other.

It’s common for people to believe that a good relationship won’t have any sexual desire problems. The author says that every committed relationship has these types of problems. This is because, in every relationship, there is both a high desire partner (HDP) and a low desire partner (LDP).

Basically, this means one partner is going to want more sex than the other. Which person is which is relative to the other person. If you want it once a week and your partner wants it every day, you’re the LDP. But if you want it every week and your partner wants it every other week, you’re the HDP. But it’s important to note that these positions can change over time.

This dynamic means that the LDP always has the power because they decide whether the sex the HDP wants happens or not. But contrary to what the HDP might think, they typically don’t enjoy this power. It usually comes with a burden because of the pressure they feel to perform.

The author says that simply understanding that there is always both an LDP and HDP will help every relationship dealing with desire struggles. Understanding this helps stop both partners from worrying that there is something wrong with them.

It’s common for couples in therapy to accuse each other of wanting too much sex or not enough, which puts those ideas to rest. So relax, because problems with desire happen in every relationship, no matter how good it is otherwise.

You lay in bed, and your partner starts rubbing your shoulders. Right away, you know that they want sex because this has been their cue since the beginning of your relationship. So you get geared up to go through the motions. The problem is that this starts to get routine and boring. Does this mean it’s time to spice things up in the bedroom? The author would say yes. But most people tend to be reluctant to change their sexual routine. Why? Because it keeps anxiety down. Trying out unfamiliar sexual acts usually makes people nervous. We’re not always comfortable with experimenting in this way, and we don’t know if it will work out. This is particularly true for people who have been together for a long time. It makes sense since they’ve kept things the same for the longest. Long-term partners inhabit what the author calls the comfort/safety cycle. They channel emotions into sexual…