Never Split The Difference

Never Split the Difference is one of the best negotiation manuals ever written, explaining why you should never compromise, and how to negotiate like a pro in your everyday life as well as high-stakes situations.

A great way to earn somebody’s trust and to get them to open up to you is the active listening method. Active listening is listening to people in a way that makes the other person feel like you understand them.

One of the best ways to do this is by mirroring, or repeating what the person says but with a question. When they do this you can tease more tidbits of information from the other party. The other person is more likely to talk because mirroring makes them feel like you’re similar to them. This feeling will help them trust you, which in turn makes them more likely to talk and find a solution.

The tone of your voice is also an important aspect of garnering trust. Have you ever been offended not because of something someone said, but because of the way they said it? If you worry about the other person getting nervous or upset, try using a deep and soft voice that is reassuring a slow. This will comfort them and make it more likely they’ll share information.

Most situations, however, will call for your more positive or playful voice. This one makes it seem you are empathetic and easygoing. A way to help you do this is by smiling while you speak. It comes through in the way you talk and puts others at ease.

When you want to negotiate with someone, don’t ignore their emotions, but rather show empathy for your advantage. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, it just means that you are trying to see things from their perspective. By understanding their feelings, and stating them, you can position yourself better in the negotiation.

This is done by labeling or stating and acknowledging the other person’s feelings. Doing this will calm the other person down, and in turn, they will act in a more rational manner. When someone labels our emotions or we label someone else’s, studies show it activates the rational part of our brain on brain scans.

This worked for the author when he was negotiating with four fugitives that they believed had automatic weapons hiding in an apartment. He talked to them to find how they were feeling and labeled those feelings. He acknowledged that they were scared to leave because they were scared of being shot or going back to prison. After six hours, the fugitives surrendered. They told the author that his talking to hem had calmed them down.