No-Drama Discipline

No-Drama Discipline is a refreshing approach to parenting that looks at the neuroscience of a developing child’s brain to understand how to best discipline and teach kids while making them feel loved.

First, we need to make sure we separate discipline from punishment. We do this by making sure our disciplining is proactive rather than reactive. When our go-to is time outs our spanking, this only creates resentment and fear, which isn’t good for parent or child. Instead, we learn to use the magical parenting tool that is “connect and redirect.” First, we take time to connect with our child, then redirect them to the correct the behavior.

Remember last time you blew up over something small because you were tired? That same regulatory part of your brain that was compromised because of a lack of sleep is still developing in your child. However, we have the opportunity, because a kid’s brain isn’t fully developed, to nurture and shape it.

Everyone has what the authors call the “downstairs” brain, or the part of the mind that controls basic needs such as digestion and breathing. Our “upstairs” brain is responsible for empathy and emotion. In a child, the upstairs brain is still developing, and thanks to neuroplasticity-our brain changing as a result of experiences-we can help children learn to use it more often. The mind is capable of evolving. Because of this, teaching your children instead of punishing them will always be the most effective form of discipline.

If you want to discipline your child effectively, you need a loving relationship. The key to developing that love is getting your kid in a receptive state of mind by connecting with them.

Your 3-year-old sees a sucker at the grocery store checkout stand, and you say “No, not today.” The toddler goes into full-on meltdown mode on the floor of the grocery store. People are watching, and now you’re not sure if you should give her the sucker to get her quiet or stand your ground to teach a lesson.

So what do we do in situations like this? First thing, don’t dismiss the child’s feelings, no matter how silly they seem. Withholding empathy will make them feel misunderstood and only make things worse. Find a way to connect. Comforting them and acknowledging their feelings will encourage them to cooperate with you, and engage the upstairs brain. However, some kids will take more time to calm down, so allow them this time, even an entire day if necessary. The more you make time to connect, the more they will feel loved.