The Art Of Asking

The Art Of Asking teaches you to finally accept the help of others, stop trying to do everything on your own, and show you how you can build a closely knit family of friends and supporters by being honest, generous and not afraid to ask.

If you’re like me, you hate both asking for and accepting other peoples’ help. Amanda Palmer says that’s stupid. And she’s right. When we’re deliberating whether to take help or not, we often think “I’ll be a burden to that person,” “what if I disappoint them?” or are just too proud to say yes.

Amanda’s long-time friend and neighbor, Anthony, helped her a lot over the years, giving her moral support when she was a teenager and later when she started touring. More than she could have ever repaid.

But eventually, she realized: letting Anthony help her was also helping Anthony. He doesn’t like talking about his problems, because he had an abusive childhood, but helping others talk through their issues allows him to process his own.

On the outside, it seemed like an imbalanced relationship, but on the inside, it was a win-win. This is more often the case than we realize, so when you’re reluctant to take help, ask yourself: “How might this help the other person?”

Amanda has a strong desire to connect with people. So when she was performing her act “The Eight Foot Bride,” she always came up with little gifts to give to her audience, eventually settling on flowers. But not everyone wanted a flower. Some people would reject her gifts.

This eventually led her to realizing that both giving and asking are always collaborative efforts. There are always two parties, one asking or giving, and the other who has to say “yes” or “no.” Giving somebody a gift is an ask in itself! You’re asking them to accept your gift. But it can only be a true gift if you give the other party the option to decline it.

Begging is different. It tries to force a give from the other party, without offering anything in return. It’s a one-way street. A no isn’t really an option – it’s a crushing defeat. A true ask is different. You can only learn to be really comfortable with asking once you start making all of your asks unconditional. No has to be a viable option at all times.

If you’re familiar with online marketing even just a little bit, you’ll definitely have come across email marketing in one way or the other. Since email was the first mass communication tool, marketers who rode the earliest wave of it back in the late 90s could use it to make millions. When…