The Book Of Joy

The Book Of Joy is the result of a 7-day meeting between the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, two of the world’s most influential spiritual leaders, during which they discussed one of life’s most important questions: how do we find joy despite suffering?

Especially in the Western world, we are constantly being sold on the idea that it’s possible to remove all suffering from your life. There’s a pill for every ill, money solves most problems, and once you finally have that spouse, the home and the two kids, you’ll be happy forever.

But, speaking of kids, how do they arrive in this world? Through an excruciating process called giving birth. If women didn’t power through it in exchange for the bundles of joy kids are, the human race could pack it in right now! Birth is just the most obvious example, however. If you think back to your most formative experiences, chances are there was some anger, frustration or sadness involved, which ultimately helped you grow tremendously.

The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu agreed on the importance of suffering, but only if you experience it in a special way: while suffering, you must shift your focus away from yourself and on to others. This is one of the four big thoughts in Lojong, the Buddhist mind training practice the Dalai Lama preaches, which consists of 59 slogans.

Focusing intensely on your own pain only makes it grow, while looking to others helps you deal with it in two ways:

If you go out of your way to help someone, you forget about your own problems and feel better, because you’re doing good. You’ll often see that someone else has it a lot worse than you do.

For example, the Dalai Lama once had to cancel giving a talk and go to the hospital with severe stomach pains. On the way to the clinic, he saw a sick, old man on the street. Knowing the man would probably soon die and feeling his agony, it was easier for him to muscle through.

There was nothing he could have done, but at least he turned the man’s suffering into a small force for good. So you see, it’s not about being a saint, it’s about managing suffering in the best way possible.

Self-awareness helps a lot when dealing with suffering, because it allows you to see what you control and what you cannot influence. A lot of pain is inflicted upon us externally, for example through unlucky events, natural disasters, sicknesses, or bad things that happen to people close to us. While you can’t prevent these darker aspects of life, there is a corresponding element you do control: your reaction to…