The Fine Art Of Small Talk

The Fine Art Of Small Talk will teach you how to skillfully start, continue, and end conversations with anyone, no matter how shy you think you are.

First things first, you’re in control of your small talk skills and only you can improve them. It’s natural to be afraid of talking to people, initiating a conversation with strangers is the second biggest social fear in the Western world! So you know it’s up to you, but there are a few things you can do to prepare and make it easier.

Let’s start with letting go of the fear of rejection. Think of it this way: if someone came up to you and struck up a conversation, wouldn’t you appreciate their efforts? I know I would, even if it was a little awkward at first.

Starting a conversation may be the hardest part, but not being awkward might be the second most difficult. To mitigate this, make eye contact and a smile. Introduce yourself first and offer your hand for a handshake. Ask for their name and remember it. If you’re afraid, try practicing. It may seem weird, but it will help a lot.

Also, not talking to someone may make you seem pompous or arrogant. In the author’s experience, a senior vice president of a reputable company was often at many of the same events she was. Although Debra noticed him, she didn’t say anything out of fear. Later, she had to call him to pitch a sale, which he declined because she ignored him every time they crossed paths.

I used to have a hard time talking to people. After many failed attempts at small talk, I learned to have a list of questions ready to help me get to know someone. Since then, I always have a great time talking with just about anyone I meet.

To ask great questions, first make sure they are always open-ended. Don’t ask a question to which the answer is “yes,” “no,” or “good,” unless you can follow it up with a deeper question. If you need some quick go-to’s for question topics, think of the FORM acronym. Ask questions about family, occupation, recreation, and miscellaneous topics.

Inevitably, some points in a conversation don’t allow for any good FORM questions. When this happens, look around for clues of what to ask next. You may look to your surroundings, what people are wearing, or the details of the event you’re attending.

However, be careful to avoid certain conversation topics. If you engage in discussing controversies, gossip, or personal misfortunes, it may lead to people having a bad impression of you. Also be wary of going too deep with a casual acquaintance.