The Happiness Trap

The Happiness Trap offers an easy-to-follow, practical guide to implementing Acceptances and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an effective method for loosening the grip of negative emotions so you can follow your values in life.

It’s bad enough to feel stressed, sad, or angry in the first place. Unfortunately, most of us heap lots of additional stress, sadness, and anger on ourselves by trying, and usually failing, to make that bad feeling go away as soon as possible. We believe, on some level, that we should have a high level of control over our emotions. We then find, repeatedly, that we have far less control than we ever thought.

Even worse, negative emotions don’t just come up randomly every once in a while. Since humans evolved under dangerous conditions, our brains are constantly, actively, on the lookout for threats of all shapes and sizes. Your mental “don’t get killed” detector will even invent threats out of thin air. And this is despite the fact that our species has never been safer in the past than we are now.

So, if you’ve decided to stop struggling against your emotions, what do you do instead? Here’s where The Happiness Trap has many specific tips and tricks to offer.

For instance, you can try simply reminding yourself that your mind has a life of its own and that you don’t endorse all of its thoughts. When your inner critic generates a thought like “you’re a failure!” just think “thanks, mind!” and keep doing what you were doing.

You can also try practicing “expansion.” This visualization technique involves observing the sensations in your body and breathing into them. This makes “space” inside you for big emotions to come for a visit, instead of trying and failing to force them out.

Telling yourself “thanks, mind!” and expanding into tough emotions might actually work to make you feel happier. However, it’s important to remember that ACT is not just another attempt to closely control your emotions. According to ACT experts, emotional control methods are doomed to fail. And they often make you feel worse in the process. When these mindfulness tips do actually cause happiness, it’s just a lucky byproduct and not the goal. Instead of actively chasing happiness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy recommends thoughtfully enjoying pleasures, especially small ones, just for what they are, however long they last. Don’t try to make the good feelings come or stay and don’t try to make the negative emotions leave, just ride them all like a surfer on a wave. If you’ve ever tried the Headspace app you know how this can work. The meditation sessions within teach you how to begin your mindfulness practice by centering your mind on…