The Power Of The Other

The Power Of The Other shows you the surprisingly big influence other people have on your life, what different kinds of relationships you have with them and how you can cultivate more good ones to replace the bad, fake or unconnected and live a more fulfilled life.

According to Dr. Cloud, every single relationship you have in your life falls into one of four categories, which he calls connection corners. There are corner one relationships, corner two relationships, and so on. The higher their degree, the better, but in fact, only one type of connection really matters.

The other three, you’re best off avoiding entirely. Here they are:

Corner one relationships. This basically isn’t a connection at all. For example, if you’re a manager completely out of sync with your team, and you act almost independently, that’s a corner one relationship. The same holds true if you feel your spouse doesn’t listen to or support you at all. Corner two relationships. These relationships are actively bad for you. The classic scenario is when you settle for a partner who’s obviously a terrible fit, because for example, they always put you down and you feel worse after hanging out with them. Corner three relationships. You can call these fake relationships. It’s this kind of relationship that’s the hardest to avoid, because it feels good in the short run, but is toxic long term. An affair or drinking buddy would be a good example.

These kinds of connections all suck and that’s important to know – but what kind of relationships do you need then?

Everyone has at least one or two of those people in their life, that they feel they can be completely open and honest with. Who do you feel comfortable enough around to 100% be you? These are the kinds of connections Dr. Cloud calls corner four relationships – and they’re the only ones that matter. We all put on masks on almost a daily basis. We wear a fake self for the outside world, to seem more confident, stronger or smarter than we actually are. With our corner four, our real connections, we don’t have to do that. No more pretending. In these relationships, you’ll feel safe to express everything you think and feel at any time. Because you know you won’t be judged, it gets much easier to openly admit weaknesses and start working on them with some help, which is why corner four relationships are the only ones that help you grow and live a better life. Take some time to think about which corner four relationships you already have in your life. Thank those people. Make an effort to keep them around. And then…