The Art of Dealing With People

“ The reason 90% of people fail in life is a failure to deal successfully with people.

“ The reason 90% of people fail in life is a failure to deal successfully with people. ” e.style.display='none');if(typeof getContentsSections==='function')setTimeout(getContentsSections,50)" /> Brains aren't the bottleneck. Giblin cites studies showing that learning to deal with people accounts for 85% of success in any profession and roughly 99% of personal happiness. The most successful people you know likely aren't the smartest — they simply have "a way" with others. Both the shy and the bossy fail. The shy person thinks their problem is personality when it's really a people-skills deficit. The bossy person forces compliance but can never force the one thing they crave most: genuine liking. Whether you're retreating from people or bulldozing them, the result is the same. Giblin's central premise: human relations is the skill of getting what you want without trampling others' egos in the process. TAKEAWAY 2

“ You have to lower yourself to be petty. ” e.style.display='none');if(typeof getContentsSections==='function')setTimeout(getContentsSections,50)" /> A starved ego is a mean ego. Giblin compares ego-hunger to physical hunger: skip two meals and you become critical, irritable, and impossible to please. The same happens with self-esteem. The braggart, the bully, and the show-off aren't suffering from too much self-regard — they're desperately overcompensating for too little. Feed the ego, tame the lion. When self-esteem runs high, people are generous, tolerant, and willing to hear criticism. When it's depleted, even an innocent remark feels like an attack. In World War I, a private barked at General Pershing to put out a match. Pershing's calm reply: "Just be glad that I'm not a second Lieutenant." The higher the self-esteem, the less need for pettiness. TAKEAWAY 3

“ Everyone is a millionaire in human relations…the great tragedy is that too many of us hoard our wealth. ” e.style.display='none');if(typeof getContentsSections==='function')setTimeout(getContentsSections,50)" /> Praise releases real energy. Giblin argues the lift from sincere praise isn't imagined — it releases physical energy and enables people to perform better. But most of us hoard this free currency, saving it only for big occasions or forgetting to spend it at all. Technique matters. Praise the act or attribute, not the person: "That presentation was incredibly well-organized" lands better than a vague "You're great." Six rules for effective thanks: 1. Say it sincerely, not off-hand 2. Speak up — don't mumble 3. Use the person's name 4. Make eye contact 5. Thank people when they least expect it 6. Consciously look for things worth praising TAKEAWAY 4