The Truth

The Truth sees Neil Strauss draw lessons about monogamy, love and relationships learned from depression, sex addiction treatment, swinger parties and science labs, in the decade after becoming one of the world’s most notorious pick-up artists and desired single men on the planet.

You’ve probably heard of something like an “open relationship” in which both partners are allowed to have sex with other people. However, did you know that there’s also research about being actually in love with multiple people?

It’s called polyamory and initially arose as sort of a protest against monogamy and the strict idea of marriage in our society. More than just about “humping around”, polyamory can create a strong spiritual connection among multiple partners. It forces you to communicate incredibly openly and honestly and eradicates all judgment. What’s more, it leaves no room for the shaming people usually face when admitting that they’re sexually curious, even though in a monogamous relationship.

Think of it as having two partners, who you both love being around, going to dinner with or playing mini-golf, and then managing all of the connections amongst each other.

According to the movement’s followers, if a relationship becomes sexual, the spiritual base of openness it’s based on makes the sex something sacred that transcends all the prejudices of depravity and immorality.

In Attached, Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller describe different attachment styles, reaching from avoidant over secure to anxious. Strauss paints a similar picture. He says most of the time the traumatic experiences of your childhood determine how you turn out romantically later in life. If your parents were emotionally distant, one parent left early in your life, or you never got any attention at home, chances are you’ll become a love addict. Love addicts constantly crave reassurance and affection from their partners and often feel un-worthy of love, thus matching the anxious attachment style of someone who’s constantly worried their partner might leave them. On the other end of the spectrum, there are love avoidant people. Often weighed down by their parents’ problems, wishes, demands and expectations, they find it hard to trust people and make a deep connection with someone. This is the foundation of sex addiction (80% of sex addicts come from emotionally disturbed families). None of these problems are caused by single individuals though – they always stem from the family as a whole. And while we all have a tendency to lean more towards one or the other, even if we’re not one of the extreme cases, these tendencies usually come from us trying to balance out what we experienced as kids, by going in the opposite direction. However, if you’re looking for true love, there’s ultimately only…