Hold Me Tight

Hold Me Tight gives you advice on how to build and sustain a deeper connection with your spouse or partner by identifying the importance that every kind of emotion has in creating a lasting relationship and how to handle each of them maturely.

Do you remember the ice bucket challenge? While dumping ice water on your head and donating to charity is a nice thing, cold water on a marriage isn’t so nice.

But too often we fill buckets of blame and resentment toward our partners then dump them when the time seems right. Like water on the fire of a healthy relationship, this can put out the flame of love you once had for each other.

It might even start with something as little as fighting about minor household chores. You know it’s a problem when the argument spirals out of control into a yelling match.

The author had one therapy session with Pam and Jim that shows how this happens in real life. When Pam tried to compliment Jim and offer more support, he scoffed and turned away. This upset Pam who began blaming Jim for their difficulties.

Your relationship might experience similar occurrences when a tiny thing explodes, but you can learn to avoid them.

Start by looking back to what started the argument in the first place. Like Pam and Jim, you might notice the patterns you always follow in these situations.

Once you know how these fights usually go it’s a lot easier to see how to change. After Pam and Jim could see where their fight started, they stopped blaming each other and made up.

Have you ever said something to your spouse and out of nowhere they fly into a fit of rage? We judge these experiences harshly from our perspective because it seems so insignificant. But to them, it’s not. That’s because each of us carries emotional baggage from past trauma. When others push the right buttons, it reminds us of the horrific experience and we go into fight or flight mode. This is exactly what’s happening to your significant other when they explode at the seemingly tiniest thing. The author once saw this in herself when she noticed her husband getting tired while they were talking. After becoming furious at him, she realized that this little thing only reminded her of a past boyfriend that would fall asleep during important conversations. Your secret weapon here, though, is understanding. It can come from both sides, too. From your side, you need to look for the experiences that get you frustrated in these moments. Once you can see them clearly, you can open up emotionally to your partner. This gives them an understanding…