Why We Love

Why We Love delivers a scientific explanation for love, shows you how it developed historically and evolutionarily, tells you what we’re all attracted to and where we differ, and of course gives you actionable advice to deal with both the exciting, successful romance in your life, as well as its sometimes inevitable fallout.

For centuries people have sought the source of love. People have looked to the stars, magic powers and mystical oracles, but for a few decades we’ve known what’s really behind the most complex feeling of them all: chemistry.

Depending on which neurotransmitters and hormones are released in your brain in certain situations, you experience love – or not.

Helen Fisher has identified three primary neurotransmitters, which make you fall in love: dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine.

You’re probably familiar with dopamine – it’s what makes you happy. When you’re waiting in line at the coffee shop and your favorite song comes on in the radio, which suddenly makes you tap your foot and hum along, that’s dopamine at work. It’s one of the most powerful mood changers, as it controls your attention, motivation and has addictive capacities. In fact, the response your body shows when you’re with the one you love is not that different from taking a drug like cocaine – no wonder love drives us crazy, huh?

Norepinephrine makes you feel thrilled, excited and constantly “on”. You know, those butterflies in your stomach or when you can hear your heart beating in your chest. It’s also what causes you sleepless nights and makes you lose your appetite (I remember falling so hard for a girl once, that I ate almost nothing for a week – my family thought I was sick haha).

Serotonin then completes the bunch as it makes you feel restless, so you pace back and forth in your room, while your beloved does the same in your head, as you can’t stop thinking about them. However, when this happens your level of serotonin aren’t higher, they’re lower than usual.

So what triggers the release of these three hormones? Three things we’re all attracted to, no matter our gender or personal preferences, are mystery, difference and symmetry. Here’s why: Mystery triggers your curiosity and ancient instincts to maximize variety in your life (just as with food), because experiencing something new always releases dopamine. Difference makes sure our offspring stays healthy, as mixing DNAs with a big difference creates a healthier, more balanced DNA in our children, which puts them at less risk of getting sick. Symmetry speaks to the eye, because when we look at symmetric bodies and faces, which are considered to be more beautiful, more dopamine is released in our brain. But…