A Beginner's Guide To The End

A Beginner’s Guide To The End is your guide to using the principles of stillness, cleaning, and grief to prepare for your own or a loved one’s death.

All four of my grandparents had cancer at some point. About 10 years ago my dad got it, too. Receiving the news really shook me up. I had to take the time to process what was happening so I could function properly. It’s a gut-wrenching event that most can’t get a grasp on at first. You’re not a bad person for needing time to take it all in and stabilize yourself.

When I got the news about my dad, I was halfway across the world. I remember going to the beach and walking along the shore of the Isle of Man where I lived at the time, just thinking. After learning of a terminal illness, it’s best to take some time to relax somewhere that you feel the safest and comfortable.

Once you feel that you’ve come to terms enough to do so, call your family and friends. They will be the most supportive and help you get through this. It’s much better to do it with their help than trying to deal with it alone. Make sure to focus on them and not outside sources like the Internet. Googling your condition isn’t a great idea at this point.

Additionally, don’t try quitting smoking, drinking, binging on chocolate, or whatever coping mechanism you’ve got. Find relief in whatever makes it easier to deal with it. Avoid dramatic decisions, and don’t commit to any treatment until you can think more clearly.

When you die, you’ll take nothing with you. So clean up after yourself to not leave so much for your family to take care of after you’re gone. Give your relatives the gift of being able to focus solely on you after you go, instead of having to clean out your attic. It also helps your loved ones to leave behind meaningful items, like a letter for them to read in the future. Also, throw away the junk. Only leave what you want to pass down. When one of my grandma’s had terminal cancer she would put a piece of tape on items and write the name of the person to whom she wanted it to go. That made things a lot easier for all of us after she was gone. You’ll also want to make sure and reveal any big secrets and clean up any regrets or hard feelings. It’s painful for children to learn about an affair and half-sibling only after your death. And even though the pain you’ve caused others may not affect you after you’re gone, it sticks…