The Kindness Method

The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi teaches how self-compassion and understanding make forming habits easier than being hard on yourself, using the personal experiences of the author and what she’s learned as an addiction recovery therapist to show how self-esteem is the true key to behavior change.

Izadi tried countless diet fads and weight loss programs and was a pro at losing weight. The only problem was that she couldn’t keep it off. After struggling for years, she finally realized that maybe the struggle was more about her self-image than the actual number on the scale. She noticed other overweight people and how comfortable they could feel in their own skin.

Soon, she became aware of the gap between the expectations she had for others and the expectations she had for herself. She decided she would try something different. She would be kind to herself no matter what the scale read. To her surprise, she not only started to lose weight faster, but it improved every other aspect of her life too. All because of a little self-compassion.

What also helped her was having a judgment-free zone. Through her work in addiction recovery, she noticed that people needed to be able to talk about their issues without judgment. Many people struggling with addiction turned to the dark web to share coping mechanisms. This helped them share tips anonymously and be more candid.

That’s why support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous are so helpful to people. Sometimes you need a place where you can love yourself no matter what your struggles are and not feel judged. So make sure that you feel like you can be completely honest with yourself about your struggles.

Shahroo believes that achieving real change requires less “finding yourself” and more meeting yourself. Doing this means understanding your current patterns so you can make a plan that works for you. Start by thinking of a time you really honed in on your skills and achieved something that wasn’t easy. Then, pull out a notebook and draw a map with a central bubble labeled “When I’m in the zone.” Around it, write the circumstances surrounding this endeavor. Ask things like how did you feel? Where were you? Was there a specific thing you did that helped you? Once you’re finished, look for patterns and insight about what works for you. Try to apply this information to your new plan as best you can. You can also make a “What hasn’t worked map” and learn from past mistakes what doesn’t work. Now you’re going to make another map, this time with a bubble labeled “What’s the harm?” Add all of the negative impacts of the behavior you want to quit.…